He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
