I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
