We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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