Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
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There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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