Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
