I'm eating all of the evidence.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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