I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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