well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
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The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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