How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
