Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
