I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
