just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
