my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
