And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
