he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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