I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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