You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
