we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
