I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
