By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
