Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
