Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
