none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
