i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
