just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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