you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
