My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
