Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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