I'm pants shitting drunk right now
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
