Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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