it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
