If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
