My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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