We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
