Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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