After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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