Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
