this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
