My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
