how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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