she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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