they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
