I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
