There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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