I am in a vortex of obligation.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
