u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My vagina just recognized that song.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
