Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
