Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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