please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
