then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
