i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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