Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize