my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
