is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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