True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
