I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
