Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
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My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
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Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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