just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
