I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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