I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Randomize
