There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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