Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
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the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
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I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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