I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
