I heard we made out
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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