I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
