woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
