just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Every concussion has its silver lining
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
